Power Moves: Asking for Help in Your CEO Journey - Solo Episode

In this vulnerable solo episode, Julie DeLucca-Collins shares the story of her first year as a Vice President. This season was marked by burnout, perfectionism, and a costly mistake that taught her the value of asking for help. If you’ve ever felt like success should be handled solo, this episode is a must-listen. Julie unpacks the lie that “I should be able to handle it” and reveals 5 transformative lessons to help you release the pressure and step into empowered leadership.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why “doing it all” is costing you more than you think
• The myth of perfectionism (and how it holds us back)
• How to make “micro-asks” and build the muscle of support
• How asking for help can actually build your credibility as a leader
• What happened when Julie dropped the balls — and what she tells her past self now

Links + Resources:
📩 DM Julie on Instagram or email her via GoConfidentlyCoaching.com
  📚 Check out Confident You the book

This is an invitation to join a supportive community of purpose-driven entrepreneurs who are creating an impact in the world.
A mastermind is a community of peers who exchange ideas, provide support, and offer sound advice for running a successful business.
Join the Confident YOU Mastermind now at https://goconfidentlyservices.myflodesk.com/confidentyoumastermind

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Are you juggling success but secretly struggling? In this solo episode, I'm taking you back to a moment in my life when perfectionism cost me everything. My health, my relationships, a multi-million dollar contract. And if you've ever felt weighed down by doing it alone, this episode is for you. I'm Julie DeLuca Collins and I am the founder of Go Confidently Services. And again, this space is for women who are entrepreneurs or high achievers and want to continue to build their confidence so they can create an impact in the world. And this is the type of video that I love to share here in the channel or on my podcast, Cast Out the Confidence, because many of you may just be listening and I love that. The first thing is there is a lie that And I'm gonna be unpacking five points. Number one, you don't have to do it all. Number two, you need to learn how to ask for help. And of course, actually receive that help because we struggle with all of that. And the lie is, I should be able to handle this. How many times have you said that to yourself? I know I say it to me all the time. Oh, I got this, or I'll figure it out. And I'll figure it out. has helped me and served me in so many ways. But in other ways, it's kept me back. It's helped me fall on my face and stumble. I wanna tell you that there's a myth that asking for help is a sign of weakness. And I know that many men feel this, but for high achievers, I'm there. And at times, asking for help has been the last thing that I do. I got a promotion back in 2008 and I finally got the VP title. And I was so excited because I've been working long hours, long days at sacrifice, being with my family. I was in a marriage that was failing mainly because also I was traveling a lot and not investing into that relationship. I also had my health suffering, but... I was thrilled that I got the promotion because I finally arrived and I had worked my ass off for that. The thing is that in the middle of getting that promotion, I didn't take a beat. I went right back to doing it all, working hard and not realizing that I needed to be okay with not having it together, that I needed to be okay with not knowing that how to be a VP. That was the first time I was becoming a VP. But in my brain, I had this expectation that I already had to be a do it and that I couldn't let people know that, well, I wasn't doing it or I wasn't showing up in the way that I thought I should be showing up. Eventually, you know, there is a real cost for doing it alone. And for me personally, Back then, the real cost came just stumbling out and really creating just, well, a perfect shit storm to say the least. Number one, you know, my story is not unique. I think that so many of us think that when we get to this level, when we have a level of success, that I should have it together. But we don't have to have it together. This is really something that we will gain the confidence of what we're doing when we fail, when we are ready to stumble and be okay with stumbling, which so many of us, and for me, I hated that. My perfectionist really masks my fear of people finding out that I don't have it together. My perfectionist also is very common and it's not unique to me. And perhaps you've been in my shoes in which you don't want people to know that behind the facade or the happy phase, there is someone who is barely keeping it together, barely keeping it together. I remember I used to get up in the morning And I would snooze and go back to bed, get back to bed and finally would get up and I had to do a mad rush to get to work. And I got there and it was hit the ground running and I was doing it all. And when someone would say, hey, what about this project? How's that going? I would say, oh my God, it's great. Don't worry about it. I'm going to show you. And then all of a sudden I would walk away back into my office and think, holy crap, I need to get that done or I need to work on that. And And it seemed like I had an endless list of to-dos. And I never stopped to think, what is the to-don't in here? What are the don'ts that I maybe need to take off my plate and give to somebody else? I ended up becoming someone that was very nasty to other people that I worked with. I was not very pleasant when I was out of work because I was exhausted or sick. I didn't want people to help me or to see that I didn't have it together because I felt that they would think less of me. I felt that they would think, oh, okay, she doesn't deserve this promotion or look at her. She really doesn't belong here. And of course, you know, there's so many deep things that go into that. But the real cost for so many of us is not just that we are taxing ourself, our well-being, or even our relationships. But the real cost is that in the long term, what we're doing is not sustainable in any level. And my career, this was a defining moment in which I learned the lesson. And I remember When I lost this contract and everything came to pass, that things weren't done, deadlines weren't met, and that staff had not been hired, and long story short, my boss asked me one simple question. And my boss was the founder of the company, the CEO, and she was really writing that the company was going to be able to expand because of this contract. And she asked me the question, that, and I never will forget, we were sitting in a restaurant, we were in Texas, and there was music playing. And of course, you know, the people that we were working with brought to light that they were not going to renew this contract with us. And they outlined all the different reasons why they were not going to move forward. And as I sat there listening, every time they said the things that had fallen short, I immediately thought, I am unworthy. I suck. I am terrible. And all those inability to hit the mark for that contract were not about the work that didn't get done. It was about me not being enough, about me not measuring up. And when it was all said and done, my boss asked, why didn't you ask for help? Why didn't you ask for help? And I didn't really have an answer. I didn't really have an answer because asking for help was something that never occurred to me. Why? And by the way, I had staff that I could rely on, staff that I love, that I trusted, and for the most part had a good relationship with until I started to really go in this binge of trying to be perfect in this new position. And as I look back now, I see that I was juggling all these balls in the air, but I didn't even know how to juggle. And when the balls were falling, I wasn't asking people to help me pick them up or letting them know that they had fallen. I was just sweeping them under the rug and trying to pick up another ball to say, look at me and look how great of a juggler I am. And how many times do you do that in your life? I wanted to reflect. I want you to reflect. And I want us to really come together and think about this and stop and pause. Because when we juggle the balls and they're dropping and we're not letting others know that they're dropping, there is a cost. What is the cost of those balls dropping? For me, one of those balls, not only was it for that contract, for my job, for the company, but it was my health. I was eating terrible. I was not sleeping. I would binge watch television when I had time off. I was not spending time outside, much less exercising. And that was a big cost. And today, as you're trying to be perfect, as you're trying to do all the things, and as you're trying to keep it together, right? Ask yourself, what is this going to cost me if I keep going this way? I want to encourage you that as you figure out what the silence of not asking for help is costing you, that you begin to think that perhaps you don't have to, you know, delegate at all. You don't have to ask for someone to do it all or let everyone in and know that, oh my gosh, I don't have it together. But perhaps you take the opportunity to open up a little bit. to say, okay, I'm going to do a micro ask. I want to give you permission to ask people for just a small thing. Maybe you want to ask someone to help you with the dishes. or unloading the dishwasher or feeding the dogs. And by the way, this is something that came about because today I was in the middle of putting together a proposal for a prospective client. I had just gotten off a great recording. And this morning I spoke to these wonderful clients who I just love to work with. And they're doing some wonderful things in the world. They're getting ready to publish their book. And as I was... doing all the things. And I saw that it was six o'clock and dinner had not been made and I still needed to finish what I was doing. And my dog was crying. I realized that I started to get angry with the dog because he was crying because he was hungry. And then I gave myself permission to say to Dan, hey, can you feed the dogs? Because I got angry that he was getting ready to go and like snooze for a And this is the thing that sometimes we do. We go on about our lives being upset at others because we assume that they should know the thing. We assume that they already know that we're asking for help or that we need help, but Dan didn't know what I was working with, didn't know what was on my task to do, didn't know what my day has been like. So it's very important to be able to say, hey, honey, help me. Or, hey, neighbor. Can you pick up my mail? Or maybe I need to ask someone to help me with do laundry. Or maybe I need to ask someone, I'm going to barter with you. I am terrible at social media. You're great, but you're terrible at planning. How about we do some bartering and we help each other? Or maybe I go into a co-working space with other incredible entrepreneurs and I say, hey, I'm struggling with this. Does anybody know how to do that? Yeah, asking for help is probably the last thing you want to do if you are the one who's always kept it together, if you are the one who's always used to achieving things, if you are the one that has a high expectation for yourself. Imperfection is part of the game. Imperfection is our life. And when we think that we have to keep it together because what are others going to think? Or I don't want people to see that I'm broken or that I don't have it together. It becomes this bigger burden than it really needs to be. You know, let's normalize and let's build a muscle where we are okay with the discomfort it's going to take to ask for help. And I sit back and I take myself back into that moment where I sat in that restaurant and I was kind of humming to myself and I felt my cheeks getting so red because I felt so ashamed that I had really messed up. And I take myself back and I tell that woman and I tell that girl, Julie, it's okay to ask for help. It's going to be hard to ask for help. And you're not going to feel great asking for help because you're not used to getting help. But that's exactly what I did is I said, well, I need you to help me. I need you to help me organize this. So rewrite the narrative. Ask for help because asking for help is empowered leadership. Reframe the stories that you have. Reframe and delegate, collaborate and communicate to others. These things are the tools that we can put into our toolbox that create us as better CEOs. You know, nobody is the perfect CEO, but the journey is helping us build the confidence to become better than before, right? So remind yourself that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. And it is the bridge that takes you to sustainable success. Now, I'm going to ask you to, if this resonates with you, share it with someone who you may think may be struggling with not asking for help. Number two, I do want to hear from you, right? If you're carrying a load, if you're doing something all on your own and you're not even sure how to ask for help or who to ask for help, you don't have to white knuckle it on your own. Send me a DM or an email, go to my website, goconfidentlycoaching.com and let me know what your thoughts are on this. Because my friends, perfectionism is a mirror. Perfectionism is a myth. And asking for help is going to be the one thing that perhaps we can do differently that will help us in our journey to confidence. And when we reach the level that we want in our confidence, guess what? Other people come alongside of us. Other people will be encouraged and inspired by you taking the lead. So until next time, don't forget, go confidently in the direction of your dreams.